Fuck not knowing how to do this. Fuck how difficult it all is. Fuck how your screams go through me like an ice pick to the brain. Fuck how I just don’t know how to cope anymore. Fuck how done in I feel. All the fucking time. And how I don’t know how I can … Continue reading Fuck its Friday again
Brace yourselves for a long read. A long, long, scream into the void. Because it’s been a lot. I dont know where to begin with this one. Truly I don’t. It’s been one of those weeks where everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. I’ll start with Thursday, as that was the beginning of … Continue reading Week from Hell
Why does no one have anything good to say about motherhood? This question was asked by an instagram mum influencer (genuine career path now) the other day. And she proceeded to list everything that is good about being a mum. Don’t worry, I wont be doing that to you. But it got me thinking, as … Continue reading Stop Whining
Right now I am drowning. I am being pulled in so many directions all at once, and as a result I am being pulled under. Everything is too much. Every sound, sight, touch is a grate against my being. I passed a funeral procession that had “MUM” written in flowers. It hit me hard. The … Continue reading Pulled Threads.
I’m almost six months postpartum now. I am out of the newborn trenches and deep behind enemy lines of looking after an actual baby. At least with the newborns all they do is eat and sleep. Now, I’ve got to provide entertainment. I am now a court jester, desperately trying to appease my liege as … Continue reading When does life go back to normal?
Fuck the ticking clock And how time is always moving Whilst you remain stuck. Never at ease in these moments that feel stolen Like you dont deserve these small bursts of joy, of peace, of quiet, of contentment. Fuck the length of naps. And how you twitch every time the baby moves in his sleep … Continue reading Keep fucking it Friday.
Fuck the state of your skin And your entire body But you look great! You’ve lost all that baby weight! Yet you still carry these invisible scars The way your vagina doesn’t feel quite right during sex The way your boobs now sag in a way they hadn’t before. Fuck the state of your hair … Continue reading Fuck it Friday again.
Four months in, and the loneliness of motherhood has hit me. Christmas has come and gone, and all of the pre Christmas socials and meet ups with it, leaving behind the empty promise of “we must do this again soon!” Hey Siri, play Akon Lonley on repeat. I left my home town and friends ten … Continue reading The loneliness of motherhood
Fuck how you have no idea what to wear. Fuck the you before the baby, whose wardrobe was an oyster, and is now as closed as a clam. Fuck how much you miss that person. Fuck how your entire outfit is centred around ‘can I breastfeed in this’ Fuck the judgemental looks of ‘at least … Continue reading Fuck it Friday 2
There’s nothing worse than being that parent in public. It’s always when surrounded by perfect parents and chilled children. Your child chooses violence on the scale of Vladimir Putin. For example whilst changing my squirming, screaming son, the family next to us was singing personalised nursery rhymes to their giggling baby. All I could do … Continue reading The Screaming Baby Parent
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